So I have had a bit of time on my hands lately, and I have been doing a lot of thinking about money. We don't make a lot of it, we try to be generous with it and we owe a fair amount back upon David's graduation. So that's us and money in a nutshell.
Here's what I'm thinking---and I have to apologize to you now, this is very much still in progress. Being the extrovert that I am, it helps me to process this here with you now.
I have been wrestling with the notion of independence. I wrote about it on a previous blog, and truthfully, I think about it every day. To sum it up again---So here we all are working our jobs, paying back our student loans, paying for childcare, paying for vehicles, paying the rent or mortgage on our place, buying and preparing our own food---and doing it all by ourselves just about every day.
Friends! This doesn't make sense to me. I know of so many people that owe so much money and are literally killing themselves to make ends meet all so they can live out "The American Dream". I am not trying to be a hater here--I want a nice home too, with kiddos, and nice furniture, and reliable vehicles, but its time I reconsider some of this.
David and I made a commitment when we were first married. We agreed that because God had given us so much, that out of our gratitude and desire to be obedient to Jesus, we needed try and be generous with others. For us that meant people staying in our home, feeding students that were hungry, sharing our vehicles when asked and generally trying to fight the "this is mine" mentality.
This went alright for awhile. It was even fulfilling to live like this. It really didn't throw us out of our comfort zone too much. But I am starting to sense it's time for step 2. We are living in Spain, on so, so much less. (In case you need the reminder: 400 sq ft,one room, no vehicles, lots of stairs, no elevators, minimal cell phone plans, and the very minimum in terms of clothes and household appliances)And all I can think about is how we really could live on so much less.
This might be crazy talk to some of you. But I dream and wonder what it would be like to hunker down and choose to pay off all our debt within a year or two. I know at least one other couple that has done a similar type thing and they are an inspiration to me and a reminder that it can be done.
I even dream of moving into a home with another family. We'd call the home "Our Last Year of Debt". It would be tough and I'm sure very inconvenient, but we'd have the same goal: sharing living costs, sharing some meals, maybe taking turns watching the kiddos and saving somewhere between 50 and 75% of our total household income. Right now we spend one of our incomes on rent, utilities, renter's insurance and the cost of operating and maintaining one vehicle, plus a few meals here and there. I imagine what it would look like to apply all of that to David's loans and even pay them off before we have to start paying them back upon graduation.
What if both families had a heart of generosity and would even trust God enough to continue to be faithful and generous with what they were living on, knowing that God would continue to provide for their needs? For single people (and even married ones too), what if after college, people moved home for two years to both bless their parents, offer some help around the house and pay off all their debt with their first years of salaried jobs?
Many other cultures offer a version of this, but ours seems to really be bent on the notion of self-earned independence. I can hear you now saying, "There is no way I could move back in with my parents" or "There is no way I could downsize to splitting 1 or 2 bedrooms in a shared home--I have too much stuff, etc,etc". I get it. I really do, go look through all the stuff I have in my home ;)
This experience of living in Spain without all of the extras has been quite liberating. It has really put what we "need" into perspective. I am beginning to understand that I am not powerless against my debt or against all of life's "necessities". I can take charge of this and put money back in its proper place. Some of you are years ahead of me, so I appreciate you bearing with me. David and I are talking and praying about what will be next for us. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you ever have these same thoughts? Have you recently gotten debt-free? Is it do-able to live in community?
6 comments:
I had a very similar experience when we first moved to Pittsburgh - it was Jason and I, 2yo Maya, and 3 month old Ellery, living out of what we could fit in our minivan. That was it. We needed to find a house to buy, so we rented a couple of places for a few months while we waited for the right house. It was life changing to live with so little for so long, even with with two kids, that I actually dreaded getting our stuff back. So much so that when we finally moved into our just-purchased house six months later, I directed our moving helpers to drop most of the boxes downstairs, where a lot of them sat unopened for the three years we lived there. And I decluttered a bit, but many of those boxes were moved, unopened, to our current house. Isn't that crazy? All that stuff I could've gotten rid of!
I'm in the process of getting rid of stuff now, but it takes so much time. My free time is very precious and limited, and sometimes I don't feel like spending my only free hour all day sorting through dusty boxes. I will often find things chock-full of memories, and I become paralyzed and unable to get rid of them. Yet I hadn't seen them for years, and my life is very full without them. Maybe I should just get rid of stuff without looking?!
As for living simply and in community - I am with you 100%. Jason and I have had so many conversations about how much better life would be with others - other parents to help with children, other cooks to prep the meals, other farmers to feed the chickens, other weeders to tend the garden. We have a big enough property that we could absolutely share with someone, and have jokingly invited people to come live in our lower level several times. Many people talk in theory about community living, but actually making it happen makes people really nervous. it's so different, and it requires a lot of changes. And for all the awesomeness it provides, there is a lot of hard work and sometimes difficult relationship things to work out.
But I will end this epic comment to say this: I'm behind you. You are on the right track. Live radially to have the debt-free life you want. Come live in my basement. ;)
Serina, I love your comment! Yep, I too am beginning to dread moving back to all our stuff and having to sort through lots and lots of boxes.
The thought of actually moving in with someone makes me feel really nervous--and I am not entirely sure why. It almost seems safer/easier to have someone come move in with us (But then I suppose maybe I have some issues I need to deal with)
But something keeps drawing me back to this idea of community and living far more simply to pay off debt and remaining generous to others.
We both agree that a season of life on the Toman Farm could be a really cool adventure. We will keep talking and praying about this.
Peace to you!
Hmmm... what to say to this? We were so blessed to have the opportunity to live a version of this out. You know my family's situation, so I suppose the best thing to say is that it is possible to do, and be happy! Both families living in my house genuinely are. I'd say it's very possible as long as it's done with God's leading, and everyone on board. Cristina, I had thoughts exactly like yours 5-6 years ago. I honestly don't know how some people afford to live. Because of our situation, we will be debt-free just under three years from when we started actively paying the student loans down. You know that you can talk to my lovely housemate or myself anytime you'd like about communal living :) We miss you!
I just have to add that going into communal living thinking that it's going to be some dream-like wonderful existence is a mistake. But is is possible to do and be happy. So many people ask us if we share all of our meals, and such. That's all fine and good, but try having 3 babies in your house, and making a nice dinner every night. Oh, and any semblance of that went out the door when I started working again. When we do get to eat together, we LOVE it! It just doesn't happen as often as we'd like.
Tina,
This is a great post. I love it, really. Let's do this. Live out Acts Ch. 2 for real. We have a 4 bedroom house. Move to ID when you are done and I /we would seriously do this, our place is "big enough' and there are three major colleges here. Pray about it, and also, when will you guys be "done" w/school, etc.? Idaho awaits you. I can't imagine how much fun we would have. We lived with you guys for just a few days in ND and it was amazing.
Emily, I have lots of questions for you when we get back :)
Bri, that would be pretty sweet. Thing is, David has a couple years left and then we'd go wherever he was able to get a job. Based upon just temperaments alone, I think our families would be really compatible. We'll be praying!
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